TOP 5 Female Centric Movies that always liberate me!

“Empty and dark shall I raise my lantern.

And the guardian of the night shall fill it with oil

And he shall light it also.”

-   Kahlil Gibran

Just replace ‘he’ with ‘she’ and you’ve got my mantra of life. When things go wrong, as they sometimes do, I just turn on these movies. Then somewhere along the path of escapism into celluloid, I discover the light that leads me to the end of the tunnel.

Here's my pick of top 5 

5. CHITRALEKHA

It’s a movie adaptation of the book that I sneaked out of my mother’s library. It was one of those books that I wasn’t allowed to read as a kid because of my ‘impressionable’ mind.

It was the love-story of Chandra Gupta Murya, the great Indian king of Maurya Empire and his courtesan Chitralekha. That’s what it was.

For me however, it was the story of Chitralekha- a girl who had a mind of her own in 340 BCE, India - a girl who never followed anything out of devotion, a girl who raised questions, followed logic, a dancer who dared to challenge Pundits & their isms.

For me, the most inspiring part is where a great hermit has a face- off with Chitralekha. He comes to her, insults her mannerisms, preaching her morality; she presents an elegant dance dissing his ways with a beautiful smile. 

She demands to know-

“What is a sin?

What is virtue?

Stamp of religion on traditions.

But, don’t religions change in every century?

How can you make them your ideals?”

These questions that she raised, added a prism to my vision and suddenly things weren’t about white light & darkness but an arch of rainbow colors!

This vision threshes the situation makes it naked. It sifts it free from husks of social norms, suddenly the problematic knot untangles.

4. Belle De Jour

Long before 50 Fifty Shades of Grey, there was Belle De Jour, Catherine Deneuve. I will be honest with you. I watched the movie because I HEART those Roger Vivier courts that she wears. I am a 90s child, growing up with Victoria Beckham’s knee-aching heels, idolizing Sarah Jessica Parker’s impractical stilettos, I was shocked at her choice to wear mid-heels to essay a super sensuous character. This knowledge that I don’t have to twist my ankles to be sexy appealed to me. The movie took this liberation one notch up.

It just puts female sexuality on front line. A perfect woman, with a perfect husband, embraces prostitution to fulfill her sexual desires.

The essence is not the ‘no..no..yes..Yes..God Yes. YEEEEES’, but it penetrates further. We live in a society where people wear two masks, pretend to be someone else to please others. How amazing it would be to see ourselves for who we are, how liberating it would be to come out of our repression & shed our hypocrisy?!

3. Shrek (Part 1)

If you ever meet me, you will remember me for the rest of your life- because I am a ‘Clutz’illa. I break & bang things in a super human way! Thankfully I’ve always gotten away with it because people think it’s kinda cute. But a big fear in my life was that one day I’ll stop being pretty and then people would stop being accommodating of my clumsy ways. The day beauty will go, loneliness will creep in. Princess Fiona without her magic wand liberated me of this anxiety. I don’t have to be pretty to be loved, I don’t have to be anything, I just have to be me to have my Happily Ever After.

2. Wadja

Wadja as a movie can be an incident that may create history.

It is about a girl craving for freedom. All 10-year-old Wadjda wants is a cycle; something that she won’t be able to ride when she grows into a woman.

The movie is set in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, where women are forbidden to walk un-chaperoned or uncovered in the streets. So, the film’s director, Haifaa Al-Mansour, had to instruct her cast and crew on walkie-talkie, from inside a van! It is the first movie ever to be shot by a Saudi woman. This movie always reinforces my belief that things may not be right now, but someday they will be. But, we woman, need to act on that wish like Haifaa (the director of Wadja) did.

And, the no.1 movie that resonates with liberation is:

1   

                  Kill Bill

It’s Rambo, Rocky, Die-Heart all in one for me. What better way to lift spirits than to kick some ass. When everything else fails, there’s a solace in the fact that I am woman, I am entitled to have world at the tip of my sword, I just need to gather myself up & claim it.

Ignorance

She adjusted her crisp white shirt, careful to hide yesterday's love bite. It had now developed a deep purple colour. With a sweep of a hand, she gently pushed her curly tresses on one side of the neck. He was sitting across the table, smiling, watching her curls bang against her soft peach cheeks. She examined his warm expressions, wondering what to say or how to say. Afterall, she was meeting her fiance for the first time today, in six months.

For the love of Rumi

Poems that made me surrender my Soul to Rumi

I’ve been fascinated with the Sufi saint Rumi long before he became a vogue in the West or even before film director Imtiaz Ali used his couplet as the essence of his hit movie ‘Rockstar’. 

My love for Rumi's work runs more visceral- (We also share our birthday you see!*beaming*)

Perhaps, that was one reasons why I first Googled up his work long ago, and little did I know that it would change my outlook towards life and love forever. I bow to the grandeur of his poems. This grandeur comes from his full prostration to Shams. He wants us to do the same- to surrender to love. I surrender to him. 

Here’s top 5 reasons (read Poems) why:

Rumi wrote seamlessly- his poems had no titles. So, the titles I use here come from the feelings they evoke in me.

5. Nomadic Impulses

What’s truly alive is always changing. Rumi’s wanderings are beyond fields, the moon, the sky, even sex and orgasms, they are more aware and yet, they are more free-

You’ve so distracted me,

Your absence fans my love.

Don’t ask how.

Then you come near.

                                                               “Do not…” I say, and   

“Do not…”,you answer.

Don’t ask why

This delights me.

4. Making Meera out of Me

Poetry, especially a good one, is a very tricky thing. For it gives us an illusion of experiencing emotions without having to live them. The way Rumi writes, it forces us to shudder with love in the way my Meera or his Zuliekha did-

Zuleikha let everything be the name of Joseph,

from celery seeds to aloes wood. She loved him

So much she concealed his name in many phrases,

the inner meanings known only to her…..

Any complaint, it’s his being away.

When she’s hungry, it’s for him.

Thirsty, his name is a sherbet.

Cold, he’s fur. This is what

The Friend can do when one is in such love.

When one is united to the core of another,

To speak of that is to breathe the name Hu,

Empty of self & filled with love.

3. Refuge in Silence

Close the mouth, open the eyes. The light of the divine won’t use the door, only the window. To understand Rumi’s scriptures with his advocacy of the non-verbal, it is essential to taste silence. With that taste, comes a revelation that the divine presence and refuge in love, comes in a language more experiential-

There is some kiss we want

With our whole lives, the touch

of spirit on the body. Seawater

begs the pearl to break its shell.

At night, I open the window and ask the moon to come and press its

Face against mine.

Breathe into me. Close

The language door and open the love window.

The moon won’t use the door,

only the window.

2. Miracle

It’s rare, but when heart dissolves in love, a new love builds and there are miracles all around-

The way of love is not

a subtle argument.

The door there

is devastation.

Birds make great sky-circles

of their freedom.

How do they learn that?

They fall, and falling,

they’re given wings.

      But the no.1 poem that made me surrender to Rumi is

Sublime saloon
Have you ever been absent and present at the same time? Felt sobriety that contains all drunkenness Think about it, every revision of this vision will open a new chapter for you. I can say this with confidence because it happened to me-

You bind me, and I tear away in a rage

To open out into air, a round

Brightness, a candlepoint,

All reason, all love.

This confusing joy, your doing,

This hangover, your tender thorn.

You turn to look, I turn.

I’m not saying this right.

I am a jailed crazy who ties up spirit-woman.

What goes comes baack. Come back.

We never left each other.

A disbeliever hides disbelief,

But I will say his secret.

More and more awake, getting up at night,

Spinning and falling in love with Shams.

Catharsis

Where did I lose it?

Is it here, is it there?

Or is it anywhere?!

What are you looking for,

Says the look in his eyes

I fish for it in every nook,

And what I get back, is an opaque look

Doesn’t the amber lasts forever?

Yes, but only in books.

Are you hidden in there?

I ask his silent heart

It doesn’t skip a beat, nor races fast

I feel a lump go down the throat

But mind plays game

‘Search for it again, without any shame’

The search begins again

This time around his arms,

For that same feeling

But where’s the warmth?

Those sweet li’l nothings

That meant so much

Suddenly come across

As a stupid bunch,

And I search this bunch

For it once had my vice,

Yes, my love, labeled as vice

Because with time, greed took its side.

So what if love is vice, give it a thought

‘But I’ve other plans, tag along or not’

In these words of his,

I still search for a hint

A hope that it might be there

For it was there in the past,

In words, in action, in everything that passed

Now I don't know if it is gone

Gone with the wind

I’ve got sand in my shoes

And memories of a beautiful walk

Of togetherness, of bliss...

But this poem, my friend,

It is mere catharsis.

Learning Dancing Vocabulary

Sometime back I had an opportunity to witness Indian contemporary choreographer Padamshree Astad Deboo's performance. It was a performance-cum-lecture organized by my former teacher. Deboo stunned me with his choreography skills and use of space to communicate an array of human experience! It led me and my friends to ‘see’ things differently. Deboo challenges different forms of dance and theatre conventions in his work. Well travelled that he is, he incorporated diverse forms of dances from worldover (Martha school of dancing, Japanese form, Manipuri) and created a new genre of modern contemporary dance in India. He delivers with emotional intelligence. 

·        In ‘Rhythm Divine’, his choreography of foetus’ movement in mother’s womb exudes class and style. The movement of body can be infinite in a finite space. The drummers of Manipur lighten up the stage with acrobatic twirls in air when the foetus is ready to come out in the world!

·       Whereby one is intrigued by the whole concept, the dance is open to interpretations. Simply loved it.

Astad Deboo 

Some 'nutty' stuff

On my recent trip to Vaishno Devi, we got a lot of walnut prasad. So one fine lazy Saturday morning when I had nothing better to do than watch TV and crack nuts, some creative ideas struck my mind.

                                                                                                  And off to sail....!

Baby crib

Made the baby out of marble, beads and hair with thread...

The much loved piggy by all! Liked its tail most of all!

Floating diyas out of walnut shells.

Down came the rain

He was tired of the wet, cloudy weather he was enduring ever since his stay in the new country. The smell of the damp earth just before the rain was not inviting anymore. As the clouds rumbled outside and the sky burst into tears, he laid on his back, staring up at the roof. A pearl tricked down the corner of his eyes. "Remember to find me, in those foreign drops," his beloved had said. He closed his eyes, and went to sleep.

A wish

I want to ride a cloud
up in the sky so high
let go of everything
bid all the worries goodbye.

The day so tiring
work so exhausting
a bed so inviting
sleep so craddling
Change that for a day
barter everything away
Give me a cloud to ride
to feel blastingly light...

I want to have wings
a birds eye view
an experience so new!
With no strings attached
I want to watch the world go past
The melancholy of life
would find a unique respite
If only I had a cloud
A cloud to ride.

Left, right, centre of life

Time to let go of rose tinted glasses??

Recently, I celebrated my 27^th birthday. The realization of leaving the comfort of 26 ( the year in which you allow yourself the illusion of still being 25), was as unsubtle as the break of puberty…like the day when you had your first periods or when you had a pimple outbreak on your first date. Freakkkyyyy….........
It suddenly felt that—OMG 27! Such a big number! Just 3 years shy of 30 and yet so much to be achieved in life!

Also, I realized that now there are certain things which you can NOT do with solace anymore, and some things that change without blowing off a caution alarm. Let’s see what they are-

        1. You cannot listen to Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber or Selena Gomez songs without being judged.

        2. You cannot read Harry Potter or Enid Blyton in public lest people assume you are a pedophile; or Chetan Bhagat novels lest people assume your IQ is below 27.

        3. You cannot visit any wedding function without escaping queer glances or questions of relatives (especially the inquisitive aunties) that wonder what could be mortally wrong with you to not have found a suitable match till now.

        4. If you happen to be single, your sexual orientation comes under the scanner, even if it is from your best friends’ boyfriends

        5. Your parents start giving good business to the local temple pandit or any astrologer that crosses their way, to scrutinize planetary aspects responsible for your marriage or lack of it.

        6. If you don’t adorn the numerous rings with precious or semi-precious stones on your fingers, around your neck or around the arm, you are labeled as a rebel. Your mom will frown upon you henceforth with every opportunity she gets! 

        7. One thing which I can do, still cannot manage to do at 27 is to have liquor in pubs without showing id or get an entry into a theater running an A-rated movie.

27, however, is a time to shed inhibitions of the primes and take on the tasks with courage so that you enter your 30s without any regrets. Things I would like to do before I reach 30-

1.  Pursue another masters degree from a good university abroad.

2.  Learn to swim properly

               3.  Make a documentary or a short film

               4. Find the cupid that stuck me with its arrow and shoot it

So while I get busy with these tasks, here’s hoping that you make the most of your 20s, because it is the most awesome time to be crazy, make mistakes, learn from them and rise like a phoenix!

Happy resurrection!

In night's cradle

The night lingers on
she lets herself loose
Her favourite part of day
soothing her down.

Possessed in its embrace

She lets out a cry

feelings swarm over

but mind and soul still dry.

Bruises of passion,

here and there

tell a saga

of debauchery, betrayal.

But night is good,

it lets you be

It is the day that judges you

with frown, scorn or glee.

The night soothes her down

her cries now pronounced

The soul is dampened

with tears unannounced.

Serpentine memories,

crawl over head

the saccharine love,

now on a death bed.

But it’s a lesson learnt well,

never to succumb

In life the best moments are,

When you think the best is yet to come!

Wrapping up her memories

she takes a mental leap

she lets go of love,

the painful heap.

A few hours to go

the day will test her judgement

Until then, the night lingers on…

and soothes her down.

Journey

That sweaty, sultry morning of April suddenly enlivened Shekhar's work routine. Time suspended, the moment donned rose-tinted glasses and he dived in it as he leafed through the pages of a black and white wedding photo album. A symphony echoed in his ears, and memories of his nuptial day danced to its tunes infront of his eyes. 'Pack quickly, the truck is on its way,' the owner of the house shouted from across the room. Coming out of his trans, Shekhar got back to packing the owner's belongings in neat boxes, ready to be moved to a different location. His beloved, too had once been on her way visiting a different location, when fate sent her resting below a tombstone. 

Heavy breathing,
supressed moans,
flexing muscles,
Cannot control
And it hits the right spot
She lets out a cry,
he pulls it out finally
Oh good lord! Sigh!
Relaxed expressions,
face all glee
The bee sting was out
And the doctor held it triumphantly

l'amour n'est pas facile

I'm standing on a threshold

But it feels like a maze

My head is spinning,

Why this rage?

A prayer to almighty

Please show me a way

There are colors all around

But why am I seeing gray?

Why is there a tear in my eye

When u are sound asleep on the other end?

I've turned greedy I guess,

And it's my penance.

I want more of you,

When all I can have is this much

Yes, just this much,

When my life is on a threshold

A threshold, which feels like a maze.

Love or something like that...

From classical Gone with the Wind to filmy Veer Zaara to unearthly Wall E to creepy Corpse Bride -LOVE is one common theme among these movies and numerous others that have raked in cash at cinema counters. Every thing is rose tinted during and at the end of two and half hr ON 70 mm screen but what about in real life? Do we understand love? How does it manifests itself? How long can it last or how quickly can it happen... these questions left me wondering some weeks backs.. and it all started with an email.

Now I don't want to write a diary here.. but just want to share a thought on this feeling called love or something which feels like that.

After a certain age we are cognizant about our emotional quotient and what we feel for people around us. We 'love' our friends, family and pets. Some people 'love' their gadgets, their designer shoes and clothes, some jewellery. Some 'love' to indulge in certain kinds of activities or sports and some people just 'love' certain kind of food/cuisine. Are we loosely using the term 'love' here or has it become a colloquial term for something we cherish in life or feel possessive about. Both notions sound equally convincing.

But why does this term changes nature when it comes to choosing a partner?? I've observed two categories of people in this. In the first case, love causes all rationality to go for a toss, love becomes selfish, adamant, dependent and insecure. And in another case, it brings perspective to a person's life, makes his/her goals clearer and bring stability to life. So why are there two bipolar sides of a singular emotion? Can we predict what category of love will we fall into when we meet our 'THE' guy/gal? I've come to my own conclusion on this.

Love is an emotion which comes naturally to all mammals, humans and primates included. (No, this is not the conclusion!) But human brain allows the circumstances and realities around itself to get filtered and we register only those which we want to retain. It is a matter of choice. The kind of choices we make depends a lot on our experience, mental state of well being and our upbringing. Our choices help us to make a decision.

The more number of positive thoughts and outlook towards another person will keep the mind sane and put you in the second category of amorous relationship. Over a period of mind, this will

breed mutual trust. However, if inspite of this things go awry, perhaps that would be your tryst with destiny..but atleast you wouldn't feel emotionally crippled at the end of it.

Personally, I believe in fantasies and 'love' to retain some element of them in my real life. So i'll reiterate what J.K Rowling said- 'It's not our abilities that make us the kind of person that we are. It's our choices!'